Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Today's teenage girl

I have two sisters.  One is just two years older than me.  We grew up in the same generation, watched all the same cartoons, and mostly had the same social circles.  The other sister is seven and a half years younger and from a completely different world.  But after years of discord we've finally bridged the age gap and have become great friends.  But there are still generational differences. Two in particular come to mind.

To today's teenage girl all boys fit into one of two categories: attractive and unattractive  These are the only words they use.  Thankfully for the awkward teen, you can make the shift in an instant to the attractive category.  Usually this happens after you given a well-placed compliment.  Unthankfully, this title can also be stripped away in a second.  One girl says, "OMGoodness! Last week I saw Tyler at the store with his mom.  He is so attractive.  Did you know he's friends with Jake?  He used to be attractive like two years ago, but he's in my math class and he is unattractive now  Eww."  Another girl responds, "Really?  But I always thought Jake was attractive but not as attractive as Nate who is way more attractive than Tyler."

The second thing I've noticed is not new among teenage girls.  They usually don't think that they are very pretty.  However, the way that today's teen deals with it is revolutionary.  They compensate their lack of self-esteem by taking an unscrupulously large amount of pictures. . . of their own face. . . at unflattering angles.

The first of these angles is called "the nose."  The combination of tilting the head at a downward angle and holding the camera above accentuates the shnoz.

And they think it looks pretty attractive, as opposed to unattractive, so they do it again.

And again.

Each shot is slightly different but mostly the same. . .

None of which are very flattering.

The second set of shots that every teenage girl has in her arson of pictures her children will make fun of someday is called the "face distortion."  These beautiful and lovely girls relocate their features to unnatural and new locations.  With their mouth halfway up to their ear and eyebrows raised into their hair line, they hold the camera entirely too close and proceed to snap away.

Snap snap!

This is a combo of "the nose," "face distortion," and "duck face."  For those of you who don't know what the duck face is, please put on your protective eye wear.  This is not going to be pretty.

The "duck face" is a where the head is turned to a three quarters profile and the lips and pushed forward to resemble a duck.  This somehow got placed in the attractive category.

Why?  It's still a mystery.

Of course thes pictures are also taken in sets because one is not damaging enough to my brain.
(I do have to note that my sister is not a proponent of a duck face.  She's classy that way.)

After the teenage girl has covered the basics, she proceeds to add props.

Here we have "duck face" and glasses at a department store, usually with visible tag.  Don't even try to contest this.  I rifled through pictures of Tessa's friends and have confirmed that they ALL have this picture.

This is the directional "duck face" and cardboard cut out.  They all have this one too.

Most have a picture with a completely random object at a store.  This pairs nicely with a "face distortion."

Oh, let's post two of this one just to get in the spirit of things.  Why not?

"Face distortion" and some kind of crazy hairdo-- very common.

A random picture if an eye ball.

*Shudders* A picture of them pretending to lick something.

And of course, a "peace out" picture.

I'm only 22 years old, but when I'm around these whipper snappers I feel generations apart.  I'm just grateful that my kid sister is willing to be my friend and visit me down here in the nursing home.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to break all of the mirrors in my house.  I wish not to look upon my face for a good long while.



  2. haha... nursing home. At least you're in the younger type of nursing home.

    And judging from those pictures, you are definitely attractive.