Last Tuesday Andrea and I said our goodbyes to nursing. Yes, I did cry. That night my sister-in-law and darling nephew came to stay with us for a few days, and I cried some more. I felt so hollow-- dedicating over a year and my body to the survival and comfort of my child and in one moment it was all over. The next day I ran some errands and when I didn't have to hurry home to feed Andrea I realized I had a new freedom. I waved at the sorrow from the day before and looked forward to my new life with a toddler.
The next few days were bliss. Andrea and her cousin played together beautifully. My sister-in-law and I could talk for a couple of hours without being interrupted because those two kept each other entertained. Christmas Eve my in-laws left and Andrea began to change. Without the distractions of another toddler she became suuuuuuuper clingy, demanding constant cuddles and attention. I'm struggling again. This completely snuggle-resistant child now wants to be wrapped up in my arms all day-- which is cute, but also exhausting. It leaves me wondering if she's missing and craving that special time together we spent nursing.
Monday night Paul and I got hit with the flu. We spent the entire night taking turns in the bathroom emptying our stomachs. Twenty-four hours later we were both physically better, but my spirit still felt so heavy.
Perhaps it's my hormones adjusting or cabin fever. . . whatever it is, I am feeling so blue, inadequate, and small.
But I'm planning on feeling better today. I just have to. . . because I want to.