Paul shut down his computer and informed me the best thing I can do for Andrea is turn off the monitor. I looked at him like he was crazy as he stepped toward the bed and swiped his pillow. "I'll sleep on the couch and listen for her. Just turn off the monitor in here and try to get some rest." Hesitantly, I kissed him good night and allowed him to leave me alone in the bed. Guilt slipped in between the sheets to cuddle me as I wrestled my exhaustion. I hated my weakness. I yearned to be stronger. I fought the urge march into the living room and relieve that man I love of his nightly watch. Heaven answered my prayers with the strength of my husband, and it seemed a little ungrateful to decline such an offering. And sometimes it's okay to not be the strong one all the time, right?
Sleep finally overtook me and my dreams consisted of holiday commercials and things that smell like pine. I woke up around seven, feeling more rested than I've felt in months
For an hour and a half I held her warm and wheezing body, overwhelmed with love for her little soul, for the man who helped me bring her into the world, and for a loving Heavenly Father, who gave me both of them.