Next week we are starting solids with Andrea. I desperately wanted to wait until the 6 month mark which is also my birthday. What better way to say, "Hey, I feel really old!" than feeding your child rice cereal for the first time? But I have to admit my intentions are not very pure.
If you've spent even a small amount of time reading this blog you know Andrea and I are in the middle of a sleeping war. I'm losing. I knew that getting up in the night was part of having a baby, but I had no idea how hard it would be on my body. Mothers all around me told me that it gets better after three months and I waved hello and then goodbye at the three month mark with no change in her sleeping behavior. Now I'm on my fifth month of no sleep with little hope that I will ever again get a full nights rest. But those same lucky mothers whose little darlings slept so well also have told me that solids will help. So every evening when I pray my nightly prayer and cry my daily cry I pretend they are right.
This last week my pleasant child has been crankier than usual for no reason I can find. She demands to be held all the time an if I move even a few feet from her little play area we have tears. My house is a disaster zone 'cause I can't get a darn thing done! I'm wondering if she still feels satisfied with just nursing. She paws at my food and watches me eat with great fascination and I ask myself, "Am I giving her enough?" Part of me feels that solids will help her feel more satisfied and this cranky streak will end.
So, as I pontificate the value of solids, I ask myself why? Why am I delaying this? What difference will the thirteen days between the first of June and my birthday make? Am I just prolonging my sleepless torment because I'm too fixated on a date? But a bigger question haunts me and I try to push it away.
Are solids really the answer to all of my problems?
I secretly hope so, but I openly doubt it.
Which leaves me in the same place I've been since December. What do I do?