Being a mother is amazing, but I often find it very lonely. It seems strange that I can feel that way when I can't even use the bathroom without a escort. However, I spend most days at home, speaking to a toddler about colors, bananas, and her favorite bear, and I miss and crave the companionship of adult company. When Paul walks through the front door in the evening I want him to tell me all about his day. Although I understand little about reconciliations and audits, I drink in his deepish voice and the words flowing from his lips that don't involve Dora or Swiper. I beg him to watch me stir ground beef or chop vegetables for a salad because his mere presence is like sunshine. Andrea hugs his legs and sings out "I miss you" in her sweet, high voice, and being all together fills the void we've felt in the house all day. He removes his tie as I plate his dinner, and I suddenly feel less alone.
I just love that man.
Today was Valentines Day, and I honestly expected very little. Money is tight as we are paying for our prenatal medical care ourselves, and just days ago Paul told me how much he detested this day of superficial love and commercialism. Although I couldn't argue about how commercial the holiday has become, I was determined to treat him special regardless. Sometimes it takes a holiday to remind me about the little things we use to do for each other that have gone by the wayside since having a child. Monday afternoon I hid little notes for Paul all over the house stating things I loved about him. Then I scheduled a babysitter for tonight so the evening was available for whatever Paul wanted to do.
This morning when Paul's alarm when off, he rolled out of bed and told me he would make me breakfast as a romantic gesture. He retrieved Andrea from her room, poured me a bowl of cereal, and then drove away in his blue car. In his defense, we had very little food in the house. I cooked Andrea a bowl of oatmeal, and when she had somewhat emptied the bowl, we packed up the diaper bag and headed to the grocery store. She helped me pick out some not-so-ripe strawberries and a frozen pizza, and we checked out.
At home I melted some chocolate for our strawberries, and Andrea made a mess of herself tasting the romantic confection. I was so excited for Paul to see the homemade treat and hoped it would brighten his day.
After lunch I put Andrea down for a nap then sat at the computer to do homework. A stabbing pain began to form in my left temple, so I laid down to fight off a headache. Forty-five minutes later I was startled awake with what I thought was a burglar entering my bedroom. I was surprised and delighted to discover it was Paul who'd been sent home early due to a gas leak at work. He laid beside me in bed and spoke to me quietly as my headache began to subside. It was the best Valentine's gift he could have given me: company and conversation.
But when Andrea woke from her nap I also discovered flowers in the kitchen he had bought to thank me for the kind notes earlier in the week. He even bought a rose for Andrea who carried it around with pride. I called my sister and asked her if I could bring Andrea over early so Paul and I could get a head start on our date. Once the house was kid-free, I spent an hour cleaning the living room, sorting toys, throwing away strange bits of garbage Andrea had become attached to (old balloons and boxes), and re-plugging in outlet covers (Andrea knows how to remove them). Paul admired my gusto and ate his strawberries. After retaking the living room, I turned on last night's American Idol, and we watched while eating that frozen pizza. It was perfect. I didn't have to cook. We didn't have to sit in the Valentine's Day crowds. Most importantly, I got to declutter and be with my hubby without having Andrea there to distract and compete with. (Sometimes a mom just needs a break, you know?) When we went to retrieve the toddler from my parents house I felt so rejuvenated and happy. I can't think of a better way to spend a Valentine's day.
aww so sweet!
ReplyDelete