Being a mother is amazing, but I often find it very lonely. It seems strange that I can feel that way when I can't even use the bathroom without a escort. However, I spend most days at home, speaking to a toddler about colors, bananas, and her favorite bear, and I miss and crave the companionship of adult company. When Paul walks through the front door in the evening I want him to tell me all about his day. Although I understand little about reconciliations and audits, I drink in his deepish voice and the words flowing from his lips that don't involve Dora or Swiper. I beg him to watch me stir ground beef or chop vegetables for a salad because his mere presence is like sunshine. Andrea hugs his legs and sings out "I miss you" in her sweet, high voice, and being all together fills the void we've felt in the house all day. He removes his tie as I plate his dinner, and I suddenly feel less alone.
I just love that man.
Today was Valentines Day, and I honestly expected very little. Money is tight as we are paying for our prenatal medical care ourselves, and just days ago Paul told me how much he detested this day of superficial love and commercialism. Although I couldn't argue about how commercial the holiday has become, I was determined to treat him special regardless. Sometimes it takes a holiday to remind me about the little things we use to do for each other that have gone by the wayside since having a child. Monday afternoon I hid little notes for Paul all over the house stating things I loved about him. Then I scheduled a babysitter for tonight so the evening was available for whatever Paul wanted to do.
This morning when Paul's alarm when off, he rolled out of bed and told me he would make me breakfast as a romantic gesture. He retrieved Andrea from her room, poured me a bowl of cereal, and then drove away in his blue car. In his defense, we had very little food in the house. I cooked Andrea a bowl of oatmeal, and when she had somewhat emptied the bowl, we packed up the diaper bag and headed to the grocery store. She helped me pick out some not-so-ripe strawberries and a frozen pizza, and we checked out.
After lunch I put Andrea down for a nap then sat at the computer to do homework. A stabbing pain began to form in my left temple, so I laid down to fight off a headache. Forty-five minutes later I was startled awake with what I thought was a burglar entering my bedroom. I was surprised and delighted to discover it was Paul who'd been sent home early due to a gas leak at work. He laid beside me in bed and spoke to me quietly as my headache began to subside. It was the best Valentine's gift he could have given me: company and conversation.