Facebook

Everyone seems to have a variety of friends on facebook.  One hundred, two hundred, a thousand individual people with distinct personalities.  Yet, we all have those certain friends, and you know who they are, that seem to fit into one of these categories.

Moms:

This is pretty much the category I fall in.  These are the young moms with young children who mostly just post updates and pictures of their children.  "Carry rolled over!"  "Bob said his first word: Bleubop!"  "Here's a picture of Leonard's first poopy diaper!"  I know a lot of girls who love to see the babies, and I know a lot of guys who don't care at all that little Samantha can count to three.  But they can't stop us from posting pictures of our young prodigies.

Weekend warrior:

The weekend warrior is the person who lives for their weekend.  The most likely hate their job and love to be social so every post (and they post daily, probably on their lunch break) has to include the word "weekend."  For example:

Monday:  That weekend went by way too fast!  Not looking forward to this week.

Tuesday:  Party!  Can't wait till the weekend!

Wednesday:  Hate Wednesdays.  Too far away from the weekend.

Thursday:  Tomorrow is Friday!  So close to the weekend!

Friday:  Finally the weekend!

Saturday:  Having a barbecue.  I love the weekends!

Sunday:  So not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow.  Where did my weekend go?

Weatherman:

There is always that person who mostly just posts about the weather.  "Can't believe there is snow on the ground!"  "Rain rain, go away."  "It’s so sunny and beautiful.  I think I'll go for a walk."  Do I need to watch the news?  Do I need to look outside?  No, I just need facebook to know if I need a coat or shorts or a shovel, thanks to the facebook weatherman.

Politicians:

Want to know about the deficit spending, debates on gay marriage, or shocking scandals in Washington D.C.?  CNN, step aside.  We've got our facebook news feed and at least five friends who keep up with the current political situation in the country.  There are Democrats and Republicans.  I even have a very vocal Independent.  It's like watching presidential debates everyday!

Mama's Boys:

I have a couple of these on my friends list.  These are boys who have left home for college.  They are usually in a different state than their family and they are excited to be out in the world on their own.  However, their mother joins facebook and comments on everything they post, and those comments often embarrass them.  Example:

He posts:  "Whoa.  Hot girl in the mall!  I'm checking her out, if you know what I mean."

His mom:  "I hope you are checking her out in a respectful and pure way."

Obscure Relatives:

Being married is not a prerequisite for this kind of friend, but it helps.  This is a relative, often your spouses, which you have never met.  They ask to be your friend on facebook and you accept because you feel obligated.  They don't post often but when they do you see their name and wonder who they are.  You go to unfriend the stranger when you remember they are your husband's cousin's wife.  Opps.  Better keep them in case their car breaks down nearby and they show up at your house to use the phone and maybe the bathroom.

Emo Kids:

These are the friends that almost every post is about how horrible their life is.  And by their description they're right.  Their dog dies on Monday.  They lose a finger in a lawn mower accident on Tuesday.  The wound from the finger amputation gets infected and they have to lose the rest of their hand on Wednesday.  Thursday their car breaks down on the freeway in the middle of a lightning storm.  Friday they show up to their hardest class only to find out they had an eight page paper due the day they lost their finger.  The purpose of keeping these friends is to remind you how blessed you truly are.  (Unless you are this friend.  In that case, I'm sorry for your loss.)

Comedians:

Demotivational posters and random pictures of butt cracks in Wal-Mart are common posts that emerge from these friends.  These people like to laugh, they like to make others laugh, and their sense humor is a little twisted.  Their status can be anything from "Just had a dream about making out with my high school lunch lady" to quotes from their favorite show (often The Office).  Anything they find remotely amusing is fair game.

The Lyricists:

These are the friends that only post song lyrics as their status.  You may notice their relationship status changes to single and before you know it “It’s too late to apologize” has popped up on your news feed.  These are the people who wake up feeling like P. Diddy and pretend that airplanes are like shooting starts.  And if it weren’t for all the teardrops on their guitar they might write an original song someday.  Until then, I guess they’ll just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads no where.

Did I miss anyone?