Tuesday, February 28, 2012

A dream is not always a wish

I've been recently rifling through some old pictures on my computer, and I stumbled upon my trip to the Jay Leno show.  That had to have been one of the most crazy, exciting, and embarrassing things I've ever done.  Upon reliving that event, I drifted off to sleep to the sound of Paul's homework and had the following dream:

Being a couple of years since the Jay Leno experience, I assumed/hoped no one in the entertainment industry remembered the event.  However,  a producer from Saturday Night Live calls up my mother-in-law and tells her he saw us on Jay Leno and though we were so hilarious that he'd love to do a skit about us on his show.  Most importantly, he'd like us to star in the skit about ourselves.  She talks it over with the family, and we agree to go.  Because we are all masochists.  Apparently.

The dream cuts to our arrival in California.  We immediately head to a studio to begin rehearsals.  We're given scripts and matching blue shirts.  However, when rehearsals get underway, the SNL producers begin to realize that our little stunt on Jay Leno was not in jest, but that we were serious about the performance.  Embarrassed for us and themselves they decide to not do the skit.  It would be too mean.  Because they'd already flown us out, they decided to give us tickets to watch the show.

I've not seen much Saturday Night Live in reality so my subconscious compensated.  The women of the family, so afraid of seeing something inappropriate, sat backwards in their chairs.  The SNL producers were mortified.  This awkward family was in the front row, and the audience was staring at them more than the show.  One producer came out and discretely invited us backstage for a chat.  Once backstage, they offered us another chance to participate in a skit.  The final skit actually, where we'd play an audience to a balloon artist.  They told us there was no script but that we should just play along with the scene.

What they didn't tell us was the balloon artist was planning on making a lot of wiener jokes.  Being pure heart and of mind, no one in our family realized what he was doing.  He began to make his first balloon "animal"  and I asked him if he was making a worm.  The camera zooms in on me, and in my nervous state I start rattling off every fact I know about worms. "Over a million earthworms can live under an acre of land.  When cut in half an earth worm can grow back it's segments.  The longest earthworm ever found was 22 feet long."

The balloon artist stares at me blankly for a while before creating another balloon figure.  This time my sister-in-law asks if it's a sword and proceeds to lecture on sword making.  Feeling like he's lost complete control of his skit, the balloon artist drops his balloons and walks off stage.

Since the show is LIVE the cameras continue to roll.  Confused and mortified, we sat nervously for a moment hoping they'd send someone back out to finish the skit.  But when the silence grew to be too much, my mother-in-law began singing, "Love at Home."  One by one we joined her and then some audience members who were familiar with the song joined in as well.  The cameras kept rolling.  We finished all of the verses and the audience applauded.  I guess it was so awkward they found it funny after all.

I woke up completely embarrassed and entirely amused.  I never cease to be amazed at some of the things the subconscious can concoct.

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